Two years ago today I had my first VBAC. It is 7:32 am so Fenimore was already a little over three hours old and snuggled up asleep, wrapped tightly in our bed with yellow flannel sheets.
There are times when, in my naivety, I truly believe that anyone with a bit of desire and a good doula can have a VBAC. My friends remind me that I worked my butt off to have a VBAC, and indeed I did. In the end it seemed easy because the work paid off and the birth went so smoothly. I was so ecstatic, singing throughout the birth, smiling between contractions, so happy to know my body worked, that I would soon hold my baby in my hands. To this day, focused thoughts on the birth bring tears to my eyes.
But the months before were full of meditation and yoga (lots of hip-openers), no matter how tired I was I woke up and sat on that mat to meditate. I carefully researched my hospital records to understand exactly what went wrong the first time and talked the head labor and delivery nurse into reviewing my records and giving me her thoughts on what happened (she thought they probably decided I was too tired to push the baby out and the doctor was getting antsy). My chart stated that my cesarean was for reasons of CPD. This was the first time I had seen that word, I had no idea I had had a cesarean for CPD. True CPD is rare and I just couldn't believe my case had been a true case of CPD. At the same time, it took a LOT of work to squash those nagging doubts installed by the experts, "maybe my pelvis is too small...."
But I covered a lot of ground in those nine months and as my due date approached, I was ready! Happy Birthday Fenimore, thank you for helping me renew my faith in my body.