Empowering Birth Blog

Adrian's Birth

A big thank you to Adrian's mom for sharing their story!**

Adrian’s Birth Story
What I will remember most vividly is the sight of your small body floating up to me through the water, the intensity of your dark alert eyes.  I lifted you out and held you to me, enjoying the sensation of your soft skin against my chest for the first time.  I remember thinking that you were strong, already moving your head willfully to inspect your surroundings.  At first you were not breathing, and Kate gave you mouth-to-mouth twice before you uttered your first cry.  Adrian, our little boy, it was then that your voice filled our home for the first time.  Mark and I had talked about it so often, the miracle of your new voice.  And there it was.  Unceremonious, natural, clear.
Mark joined me in the tub and we took turns holding you, inspecting your face, your full head of wet black hair, your valiant little chest.  Before long, I moved to the bed, which we had to do very carefully since I was lightheaded and your umbilical cord was so short.  Then I lay on my back and held you to my chest.  When your umbilical cord stopped pulsing, Kelsey clamped it in two places.  Then she tugged on it gently and the placenta slipped out of me painlessly.  I cut the cord, which was surprisingly thick and rubbery.
Our journey had started at about 3:30 a.m. the previous morning.  I was awoken from sleep by what felt like very painful menstrual cramps.  At about 3:45, I started writing down the time that each one started.  They were coming at six or seven minute intervals.  I could not fall asleep again until about 7:00 a.m., when the cramps mercifully stopped for about one hour.  I am convinced that this was divine intervention.  Without that small bit of additional sleep, the challenge ahead would have seemed so much greater.
I spent the day walking laps around the first floor of our home, writing down the start and duration of each contraction.  As the contractions got stronger and longer, I asked my mother to take over recording.  Around mid-day, we called Kate.  She confirmed that I was in labor and asked me to call her after lunch.  I called her at around 2:00 p.m. and she said that she would come by soon.  She arrived around 5:00 p.m. when it was starting to get dark.  By then, I had moved to our bed upstairs.  The contractions had grown so strong that I really needed to concentrate on my breathing to make them tolerable.  Mark was laying behind me holding me, kissing me, and encouraging me.  He kept saying I could do it, that I was strong and that he loved me.  Without his support, I don’t know how the rest of my labor could have been tolerable.
During this phase, I had a powerful feeling of divine protection.  I felt the presence of many loving entities in the room and I was moved to tears at the thought that there were perhaps angels watching over us.  I felt deeply blessed by the honor of giving birth to you, of becoming an instrument in the emergence of a new life into the world.  I felt immense peace and gratitude.
I remember everything from this point forward like a dream or the delirium of a fever.  I have no concept of time and no clear recollection of the sequence of events.  I know that my contractions were coming very quickly by the time Kate arrived because she asked me whether I was feeling the urge to push.  I think that she thought there was a chance I might be going through transition.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  When she checked me, I was only one centimeter dilated.  She dilated me to about four centimeters with her fingers, which was intensely painful.  I kept asking whether I could go into the tub, which Mark, Kate, and my mother were filling with water.  They kept telling me that it was not yet warm enough.  I was starting to despair because the contractions were growing increasingly strong and I was sure that the tub would offer me relief.
I am guessing it was 6:00 or 7:00 p.m. when I was able to get into the tub.  At first, I was leaning over the edge, but then I found that reclining on my back was actually more comfortable.  I kept my sports bra on at first, but then I had to take it off because it felt like it was restricting my breathing.  In the weeks leading up to your birth, I had been so concerned about modesty during labor.  Now, in the middle of everything, this wasn’t even an afterthought.
I am not sure how long I was in the tub that first time.  I remember being on the bed later on around the time that Kelsey arrived, which I am told was around 11:00 p.m.  By then the contractions had reached yet another level of intensity and I was starting to seriously wonder whether I could go through with the labor.  I remember opening my eyes a bit and seeing Kelsey standing over me looking concerned.  She and Kate started stroking my legs and thighs and telling me that I needed to relax my bottom.  Kelsey coached me on how to breathe into the contractions rather that fighting against them.  She told me to take a deep breath in when the contraction started and then exhale loudly through my mouth as the contraction was reaching its peak.  This was very hard for me to do, but it felt more comfortable than struggling against the pain.  I kept following Kelsey’s advice for the rest of my labor.
Kate checked me again and opened my cervix a bit more – this time to six centimeters.  As before, this was excruciatingly painful.  I remember hearing Mark saying, “Honey, you are more than half way there.”  I asked Kate how much longer she thought that it would be, and she replied, “As long as it takes.”
I got into the tub again.  I could tell that it was very late because everyone had grown tired and quiet.  I could tell that my mother was distressed by seeing me in pain, and she had left the room, I assumed, to collect herself.  Kelsey and Kate had gone away to rest, leaving me and Mark to ourselves.  Mark was very tired, but he never left my side.  He was lying on the bed dozing in and out of sleep.  When he would hear me struggling, he would encourage me, telling me over and over again how strong and brave I was.  I was fairly certain that I was in transition because I felt so hopeless.  I actually fantasized about what it would have been like to get pain medication during the birth, and my rational mind reminded me that, not only was I far beyond the point at which that was feasible, but that having a natural birth at home was a precious gift that I had been dreaming of giving to you.  Then I started thinking that my body could not handle the pain.  I became convinced that I would pass out soon and possibly (although it seems ridiculous now) die.  I actually made peace with the idea of death and regretted only that Mark and I had not had the opportunity yet to draft a will.
I experienced so many contractions that night, but there was one in particular that brought me to my knees.  It ballooned in my uterus and then spread quickly like vines wrapping around my back and thighs.  I looked down and noticed that my body was convulsing.  I kept praying to God for strength and for the experience to be over soon.  Shortly after that, Kelsey came back into the room to check my dilation.  Mark helped me out of the tub, which took several minutes because every move I made would trigger another contraction.  Kelsey said that I was fully dilated except for a small lip of cervix that she thought I could push through.  Mark told me later on that my response was, “Thank you, God.”
Kelsey asked me to start pushing on the birthing stool.  She instructed me to take a deep breath, hold it in, and bear down during a contraction.  I tried this several times and found it very uncomfortable.  She then asked me to try peeing because she suspected that my bladder was full and a full bladder can impede pushing.  I tried peeing and nothing came out.  Mark helped me up from the toilet and allowed me to lean on him to walk back to the bedroom.  I felt like I had very little control over my legs and it was very hard to take those few steps.  I asked if I could try pushing in the tub and Kelsey said to go ahead.  In my memory, the pushing took about twenty minutes, but Kelsey told me that it was over two hours.
Back in the tub, I got on my knees and held on to the edge with my hands.  I became very determined.  I could feel your head descending through my pelvis and I wanted you to be born as soon as possible.  Every time I felt a contraction coming, I would breathe in and push with all of my strength.  This seemed to trigger follow-on contractions, and I tried to push through as many of them as possible.  I heard Kate telling Kelsey to invite my mother back into the room so that she would “not miss the main event.”  I heard Kate telling me that I was doing great.  Then I heard her telling someone that she could see the head.  I felt only a slight burning sensation, not the “ring of fire” that women talk about experiencing as their baby’s head emerges.  But I could tell that you were coming out.  I felt like my pelvic floor was bulging.  I felt your head emerge and then retract at least a couple of times.  I noticed that my face was wet, and I realized then that I had been submerging it with every push.  Then I gave one mighty push and I heard Kate announce that your head was out.  One push later, and the rest of your beautiful body was born.
Born January 15, 2008 at 4:22 a.m.
9 pounds, 12 ounces, 21 inches long

**Names have been changed

Bella's Birth

A big thanks to Emily for sharing her story!

Bella’s Birth

Pregnant for the first time at 32, I knew I wanted a natural birth, out of the hospital and without drugs. 

As a feminist, I believe in the power and capabilities of women’s bodies, of my body, and the wisdom of trained women helping other women birth. 

As a public health professional, I knew that the U.S. has poor birth outcomes compared with other industrialized countries, that most women around the world give birth outside the hospital, and that women have birthed without medical intervention for thousands of years. 

And as an activist, I was vaguely aware of the history of our male-dominated medical establishment systematically working to discredit midwifery starting in the early 1900s in order to make pregnancy and birth into a lucrative business. 

Most of all, I wanted what would be best for my baby.

I had a healthy and easy pregnancy.  I ate well, exercised almost every day, read probably 15 books on pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and parenting, and took Bradley childbirth classes.  I felt prepared for labor and delivery and confident in the decisions I had made, though I had to defend them often with my family and friends.

Bella was “due” on a Thursday in early November.  Thursday arrived but with no signs of labor.  I worked from home on Thursday and Friday.  I felt good and was not in a rush for labor to start.  I figured my body and/or the baby needed a little more time.

On Saturday, Steven, my husband, and I went to Great Falls park for a hike.  By that time, I really was only comfortable when walking, and it was a beautiful fall day.  The leaves were all shades of red and yellow and orange.  We hiked on the rocks for about an hour and then sat on the rocks and ate and read for a long time before hiking back.

When we got home in the late afternoon, I took a nap.  I knew labor could start anytime and that I needed to be well rested.  When I woke up, there was a very small wet spot on the bed.  I thought my water may have broken and so called BirthCare.  Marsha wanted me to come into the office, and we agreed to meet there.

At BirthCare, we met Juno, a midwife in training, and she and Marsha preformed two tests, showed us the slide under the microscope of what turned out to be my amniotic fluid, and confirmed that my water had broken.  I was not at all dilated.  Labor would have to start soon, or we’d have to get it started early the next morning with castor oil.

On our way home, we picked up Ethiopian food – one of the only cravings I had throughout my whole pregnancy.  I ate a huge meal, took a warm bath, and got in bed; it was about 10pm.  Almost immediately, I felt my first contraction, and it was strong!

Steven called BirthCare, and Alice was now on call.  She said to call again when the contractions were closer.

I thought I’d be really active during the first stage of labor, when the uterus is dilating, but I quickly found that I could focus on relaxing best when lying on my side in bed.  I let Steven know when each contraction started, and he rubbed my lower back and talked me through each one.  I focused on relaxing and breathing deeply through the contraction. 

In between contractions, I kept running to the bathroom.  My body seemed to be getting rid of all of the food I had eaten, and I vomited many times.

The contractions started to come every 4-5 minutes by about 3am.  Steven had had a pot of coffee by then and was reading his book in between contractions.

Not a lot changed when Alice, Juno, and Claudia, our birth assistant, got to our house at about 345am.  I was so focused on relaxing and breathing through each contraction that their presence was almost a blur.  But I heard their very positive feedback and encouragement.  All was going well!

The hard part came during the transition to the second, pushing stage.  I felt confident that I knew how to handle first stage contractions and could get through the longest, toughest one.  But then my body started wanting to push out the baby, and I couldn’t figure out whether to relax and breathe through the contractions or push.  For the first time, I screamed through the toughest part of the contractions and was scared and panicked.  It was now about 9am.

After a few more panicked contractions, Juno for the first time checked to see how far I had dilated.  I was almost there and so she and Alice told me to push.

At some point while I was pushing, Claudia said she was going downstairs.  I blurted out that she should put the lasagna in the oven.  Everyone laughed that I would think about food in the middle of pushing, but I was so grateful to my birth team and wanted them to be well fed!

After about an hour, during which Juno patiently put warm compresses on my perineum, Steven helped support me in a squat, and I pushed, Juno said she saw the baby’s head.  I pushed and pushed again and then my baby was suddenly on my stomach!  Holding her for the first time, still attached to me through the umbilical cord, I was in awe, proud, and so happy.

Isabella Emma Biel Figdor weighed 8 pounds, 6 ounces and was healthy and strong.  She latched on almost right away.  Then, Steven and I held her, ate a big plate of lasagna, and relaxed together in our bed.

Some Babies are Just Big

Two weeks ago my friend birthed her son, lying on her side, 5 days past her estimated due date.  Her baby was 10 pounds 4 ounces.  Now we know mom's apparent "size" doesn't matter, the size that counts is the pelvic inlet and outlet.  My friend should be the poster child for moms who are nervous about big babies because the reality is that too many women with "small hips" worry about big babies.  When not pregnant my friend wears a size 2 and is 118 pounds (she is quite tall, about 5'8).  She has the kind of hips doctors might like to fret about, but we know better.  Immediately after the birth my friend noted, "it wasn't that bad at all."

Now what do you think would have happened if this mom had been told repeatedly before the birth that her baby would be AT LEAST 10 POUNDS!!!!!!! and that she should be concerned about shoulder dystocia....

Great Free Birth Story!

Check out this beautiful birth story, http://harrietsfreebirth.blogspot.com/.  Birth ain't easy, but it is SO worth it.

It's Been a Year Since My HBAC

Thanks to Tami for sharing the beautiful story of her HBAC (Home Birth After Cearean)!

Emma, yesterday for the first time in your life you stood up without any assistance and walked to me.  You had a gigantic grin on your face, showing me all six of your teeth, and you laughed as you took each step, so proud of yourself.  It amazes me that it's been a whole year, and that a year ago today you were engaged in the first great journey of your life.

Your daddy and I had found out around Mother's Day that we were expecting another baby and we were so excited!  I immediately started searching for a midwife who would help me have my baby safely at home.  After several interviews I chose Peggy Franklin and I felt very comfortable and peaceful about the idea of having my baby at home.  Your brothers' births each presented their own challenges because of the hospitals and doctors, and I wanted to have a peaceful birth experience this time, and to give you the best chance of having a gentle birth.  We expected that you would be born around January 20th.  As that day came and went, I grew a little discouraged.  Finally we decided that we would wait until Valentine's Day if we needed to (as if we had much of a choice in the matter).

The morning of February 1, I woke up at 4:30 and went to the bathroom.  I felt fine, nothing unusual.  I sat down at the computer to check my email and do some work before the rest of the family got up.  Within a few minutes I started feeling contractions.  I stayed at the computer for nearly an hour while the contractions got stronger and more frequent.  By 5:30 I knew it was time to call the midwife and wake up your daddy.  Daddy got to work getting the pool ready--he had a hose that he had planned to use to fill the pool, but it was frozen, so he drove to Home Depot to get a new one.  I called Peggy, who had just left another birth, and we decided she should come right away.  I set out towels and a washcloth for her so she could take a shower when she arrived at my house (since she had been at another birth all night).  My instructions from Peggy had been to make up the bed for birth as soon as I knew I was in labor, and since I still wasn't completely decided about whether to actually have the baby in the pool or in the bed, I got to work on making up the bed.  It took me about 45 minutes to make the bed!  I would get a sheet on one corner, have a contraction, start to walk to the next corner of the bed, have to stop about halfway down the bed for another contraction, then get to the corner and have another contraction... I think I set a world record for the longest time to make a bed.  Once the bed was made I put on my "birth clothes," a bathing suit top and sweatpants, and went downstairs to the living room and sat on my birth ball.  Your daddy was home by then and turned on a HypnoBabies CD for me to listen to.  My favorite blanket was a soft fuzzy blue blanket, so I wrapped that around my shoulders and just rocked on the birth ball.  I threw up once or twice.

At about 6:30 Peggy arrived.  She said I was making good sounds and went up to the bedroom to organize all the supplies that we had piled in a box.  I continued to rock on the birth ball and threw up a couple more times.  Peggy came downstairs and rubbed my back through a few contractions, then she offered to check to see if these contractions were causing any progress.  I figured she would tell me I was at 2-3 centimeters, since it had only been a couple of hours.  I was shocked to hear her say I was at almost 10 and the bag of waters was bulging.  She suggested that I get in the pool if I wanted to labor in the pool at all.

About 7:30 I got in the water.  It felt good, but I didn't spend much time just enjoying the water.  Within a few minutes I sat straight up, leaning forwards slightly.  I had my eyes closed so I lost track of time.  At some point I heard the voice of Aimee, the birth assistant, and I felt relieved that she was there.  Peggy and Aimee both rubbed by back through contractions.  Meanwhile, the boys were waking up, and Daddy got them dressed and gave them breakfast. They came in the kitchen for a few minutes, then went to watch cartoons.  We had planned for a friend to come and entertain the boys while I was in labor, but we couldn't reach her.  Or the other 2 people who had offered to be backups.  I heard Daddy on the phone telling my mother that Emma was on the way.  I heard Peggy on her phone saying things like "how far apart are they?  How strong are they?"--she had a third client in labor at the moment as well.  About 8:15 I started lifting my body off the floor of the pool because I need to push!  Peggy helped me move onto my knees, and then she felt like you needed more room to get out, so she helped me move one leg out of the way.  I was leaning on the side of the pool and we discovered that the valve on the top ring of the pool hadn't been closed tightly, and it collapsed a little--water went all over the floor.  But at that point we were all more focused on getting you out safely!  I was pushing as hard as I possibly could and Peggy and Aimee were saying things like "that's right, millimeter by millimeter, do it slowly."  In my head I was thinking, "that was just a millimeter?"  At 8:29 the bag of waters broke and your head popped out.  Suddenly I felt no more urge to push, and no more ability either.  It felt like an hour but was actually only a minute, with Peggy and Aimee both telling me I had to push harder to get the rest of your body out.

Finally you were born!  Somebody scooped you out of the water and I sat down to hold you.  You didn't cry, you just sat in my arms breathing quietly.  Since you hadn't taken a deep breath, Peggy gave you oxygen for a few minutes.  You looked tired, but after a couple of minutes you woke up and were very alert.  I delivered the placenta in the water and then got up to move to the couch.  My back went into spasms and it was very hard for me to walk, but Daddy carried you, and Peggy and Aimee supported me, and we made it to the couch.  Once we were there and I was comfortable, Peggy weighed you--10 lbs 10 oz!  Daddy said "She's a perfect 10!"  At 9:00 a friend showed up to take the boys for a pre-scheduled play date, which was perfect.  She was the first person outside of the birth team to see you and she cried because you were so beautiful.

Eventually we went upstairs and took to the bed that had been so carefully made up earlier.  I sent out an email message in the morning: "

Emma Jean Conklin was born at home this morning at 8:30 am.  12 days past her due date.  4 hours of labor, a good water birth, no problems or complications.  10 lbs 10 ounces, 21 3/8 inches long.  14 inch head circumference, 15 3/4 inch chest circumference.  She's a big girl, considerably larger than her brothers!  So far the hair looks red, blue eyes, a dimple in her left cheek.  She's gorgeous and doing great.  I'm doing pretty well too--tired and sore, but starting to feel like myself already.  We had a fabulous midwife who did a wonderful job in the last few months helping us prepare for Miss Emma's arrival.  We were the second in a string of back-to-back births she gets to help with today!"

And then we got down to the business of loving you and helping you grow up.  It's still amazing how much you've learned and grown in 12 short months.  We've had some challenges this year.  Your Oompa got sick a few days after you were born and died when you were only 2 months old.  But he did see you and hold you, and he loves you very much.  You got to meet many of your relatives because of Oompa's illness and death, and every one of them raved about what a beautiful and sweet girl you are.  Your brothers have been in love with you since the moment you were born.  Sometimes it's been a challenge to keep you safe from their "love," but you're a strong girl and can handle anything that comes your way.  Daddy and I love you.  Happy Birthday Emma!

Bellies and Babies

Do visit this blog, it has had some great posts recently!  And I particularly LOVE this video posted on Bellies and Babies. It reminded me of Fenimore's birth, how wonderful for the mom to share her experience through video!  I sang between contractions at Fenimore's birth and smiled during them (that is me to the left, during a second-stage contraction, on this website).  Sometimes you have to capture that on video/photos to believe it (especially in a birth culture where happy birth usually means good anesthesiologist).  I was hoping to make a movie of my May birth but my private husband is a bit worried about what his very public wife might do with the video.  But we have a compromise, there will be a photographer, yay!  This is probably my last birth and I hope to capture it in black and white photography.

Speaking of Big Babies...

It is hard for me to write about birth.  It is an experience that eludes the power of my pen.  But I did want to share a few things about this strong mom's birth and since I have been given permission, here I go!

I thought this mom might be having a big baby but not a word did I let slip from my mouth.  I am not sure why I thought the baby might be big.  It might have been because her first baby was almost 9 pounds and came more then a week early and Caitlin was born at 41 weeks and 3 days.  Perhaps it because her mom's belly was a big, big belly.  Perhaps it was intuition.  I appreciated the fact that the midwives in charge of her care didn't make any comments either and wondered why doctors talk so much about "big babies" in front of their clients.

When I arrived at the mom's house, I remarked how well she was listening to her body's needs in labor.  She moved into a kneeling position, leaning on the couch for contractions, and then sank to the floor immediately between contractions.  She rested, supported by her partner, snuggled among pillows, the memory of the contraction already part of the past.  Regularly during her labor I observed her ability to deeply relax between contractions, her facial muscles loose and limp, there was little need for me to remind her to let the contraction go.

When it was time to push, despite her exhaustion, despite the fact that she had been laboring on a comfortable bed, this mom propelled herself off the bed with a strength surprising for a mom who had been up all night and laboring all morning with little to eat.  She assumed a very nice kneeling position with knees wide apart on the floor, leaning onto the edge of the bed, a good position in which to birth a nice-sized baby.  Although she had had some trouble with pushing at her first birth, this time she pushed like a champ, without hesitation, and slowly, easing her baby out so that she wouldn't tear (she had only a small first degree tear that was not in need of suturing). And she was indeed a big baby though her petite mother birthed her with a grace and ease that was awe-inspiring to witness.  Caitlin weighed in at 9 and 1/2 pounds. Welcome to the world little one!

Birth is AMAZING

A friend who is studying to be a midwife (much further along the path then I!) stopped by this morning for a home prenatal visit.  I heard the baby's heart-rate for the first time!  Ah, sweet baby!

She also shared this fantastic video with me:

http://www.themidwife.net/index_files/Page340.htm

Please note that this is a hospital birth.  Hospital birth CAN be amazing!  It is sad that in the U.S., so very rarely do we see births like the one in this video.  If the hospital births of normal healthy pregnant women were like the one in this video, I wouldn't be railing about hospital births all the time.  Did you notice that the care provider merely checks to see if there is a chord as the baby emerges?  No forced pushing, no holding legs back, betadine solution (which makes tissue more friable) squirted all over mom, just birth.

Some of the other videos on this site are equally wonderful.  Check them out!

http://www.themidwife.net/index_files/homebirthmidwifestudentwomanshealthvideos.htm

Carey's VBAC

Thank's for sharing your story Carey!

Benaiah’s birth

Big Ben was born on Thursday August 2, 2007 at National Naval Medical Center.  That is not how we planned it to happen, but babies have an agenda of their own and the mother has to go along with that. 

Early labor started on Tuesday evening about 10 p.m.  I had experienced labor before so I knew that I had a long way to go so I went to sleep until about 4 a.m. when contractions started to pick up.  I called my midwife, Karen, at 5 a.m. when my contractions were around 5-6 minutes apart.  She called her birth assistant, Nicole who showed up about half an hour later.  She checked my progress and I was 50% effaced, 3 cm dilated at a zero station.  She told me to try to get some rest and to call her when I needed her to come back.  Around 8 a.m. contractions picked up more so I called my doula, Kat.  Both she and Nicole arrived between 8-9 a.m. and we sat around chatting while I crocheted Ben’s baby blanket.  I was having a wonderful time with my friends and enjoyed the conversation.  My mom took two year old Eve to the park to give me a little time to relax and my husband time to set up the labor pool in the living room.  Labor was progressing very slowly and by the noon, Kat had me walking the hallways in my building.  During contractions, she would press a warm, lavender scented rice sock on my lower back that felt wonderful.  I also used the sock on my lower abdomen while we walked.  The walking really seemed to intensify and speed up the contractions, but they were still very manageable.  I sat on the birth ball and circled my hips too, which was a comfortable position.  Nicole checked my progress and this time I was 80% effaced, 4-5 cm dilated at a zero station.  Kat suggested that my husband and I spend some time alone together, which was a great idea.  We talked, kissed, danced, and enjoyed each other’s company and before long labor picked up again.  He did a fantastic job supporting and coaching me and would rub my back through contractions while I stood with my hands on the wall above my head.  We spent about two hours doing this before Kat, Karen, and Nicole showed up together in the early evening.  Thomas needed a little break so I took my birthing ball with me into my closet for some quiet time.  I was able to relax and concentrate only on my contractions and it made me understand how helpful meditation or yoga can be during labor.  From time to time, someone would walk into my closet to check on me and see that I was doing fine.  Everyone seemed pleased with the progress, and I knew the baby would be born that evening. 

Karen and I decided to check my progress and sure enough I was about 7-8 cm dilated, but the baby was still a little high.  She said the baby’s head was slightly to one side so I should do some exercises to open my pelvis so the baby’s could move down.  We set up a chair while I did placed one foot on the chair and did a squat 10 times before switching feet.  We did this exercise for an hour or two and seemed to move the baby to a better position.  I tried the exercise ball again at this point, but the labor was still not moving forward as it should.  There was a bag of water and a cervical lip preventing the baby from dropping further in to my pelvis. Karen decided to break the bag of water that was in front of the baby’s head and as soon as she did, contractions started getting a lot more intense.  The feeling during this time was of helplessness, with contractions on top of each other.  All you can do is try to get through each contraction.  Your body is working so hard and breathing and letting your body relax are about the only things you can do.  I tried every position that was suggested by Kat, Nicole, and Karen and found the best were sitting on the toilet and standing in my bedroom with my hands on the wall above my head.  I couldn’t get on my hands and knees or squat while holding on to anything.  Kat, Nicole, and Thomas took turns supporting me and applying pressure to my hips from both sides.  It was a tremendous relief to have them push on my hips and I know they were all exhausted from the work.  After some time in this phase, Karen decided to check on the cervical lip again and it was still present, but I was 100% effaced, but my cervix was swelling a little bit and I was experiencing some intense back pain.  Everyone was so encouraging telling me that the back pain was normal and it was because the baby was moving down.  Karen suggested I get into the labor pool to try to relax a little.  It was such a relief that my contractions slowed down.  I would fall asleep after a contraction and wake up at the peak of the next grasping for Thomas’ arm.  The girls brought in the birthing stool, but there was too much pain in my back to sit on it and I still didn’t feel like pushing.  After about an hour and a half I got myself out of the tub to get checked again.  I was still not fully dilated and the cervical lip was still there but the baby had moved down some.  It was encouraging and frustrating at the same time.  I tried taking a shower and squatting on the toilet, but the back pain was taking over and I was reaching a point of total exhaustion.  When Karen said there were some heart decelerations I started to worry a little and we decided that I should go in to the hospital.  Nicole drove Thomas and I in and we arrived about 4 a.m. to the Emergency Room at NNMC. 

The drive was long and Thomas rubbed my shoulders while Nicole gave a pep talk.  The doctor checked my progress in the ER and I was fully dilated and the cervical lip had disappeared.  They kept telling me I was ready to push, but I could hardly talk or think, let alone push.  They got me to a room and after much discussion with my doula, we decided to try a local shot to relieve some of the pain in my lower back.  They had me pushing on my back for an hour with three pushes during every contraction and then they brought in the squat bar and I pushed for another hour making very little progress.  I could see the concern on everyone’s face.  The doctor and I decided that I could receive a two-hour spinal and after an hour of rest I would begin pushing again.  Nicole was very hesitant, but knew that I something had to be done.  She told me that if I received the spinal that I had to wake up and push the baby out.  After I received the shot, Nicole and I fell asleep while Thomas went to get some coffee.  Thirty minutes later I woke up and could feel the pressure of the contractions again and felt like pushing.  Nicole, Thomas, and the nurse helped me sit upright in my bed.  The first hour of pushing I didn’t feel much pain, and was making slightly better progress.  When the spinal wore off, the backpressure returned and that is when things actually started happening.  The next hour of pushing was totally different, because I could actually feel the baby moving down and back up with each contraction.  Nicole and Thomas were wonderful coaches and kept telling me that each push was moving the baby a little more.  The nurse essentially stepped aside during contractions and Nicole coached me through them.  When Nicole told me I could touch the baby’s head, everything changed.  Just the soft feel of the baby’s head was what I needed for the extra motivation to get the baby into my arms.  The feeling of the baby’s head crowning was a very sharp burning pain and when I would say it burned, Nicole would nod and say she knew it did.  I felt like screaming but the only way to push was to use a low moan.  The OB arrived ready to catch the baby.  After three more contractions, the baby’s head was out, but the OB wanted me to push between the next contractions because the baby’s shoulders were stuck.  She used her fingers to pull the baby out under his arms and in no time he was crying on my chest.  At that point I was so relieved and totally exhausted that Thomas took the baby to get weighed and measured.  Nicole brought me crackers with peanut butter, Jell-O, cereal, and juice and my lovely husband brought me a mirror.  I had no idea, but my eyes were almost swollen shut and both my eyes were totally bloodshot from all the pushing.  I looked scary, but it made everyone in the room laugh out loud.  My husband told me later on that had Nicole not been in the delivery room, we would have ended up with another cesarean.

Benaiah Maxwell was born at 7:50 a.m. and was 9 pounds, 1 ounce and 21 1/2 inches long. 

Looking back, I realize that I had some issues that weren’t fully resolved from my previous birth experience that ended in a cesarean.  I knew I had to surround myself with people that fully believed in VBAC.  My doula could not have been more perfect having had a HBAC herself and knowing what an empowering experience that is.  My midwife had a VBAC as well and never gave me any doubts as to whether a VBAC was right for me.  My labor stalled at the same point as the first birth, but all it took was the love and support of those around me to move past it.  Although I had planned a home birth, I am extremely pleased with how things turned out.  The 40-minute car ride to the hospital gave me time to clear my head of the frustrations that were present and allowed my body to open up in order to give birth.  It takes absolute concentration to push and because I was so exhausted, there was no way my body was going to cooperate without getting a little rest first.  All it took was a 30-minute nap before I could push my baby out.  There is no way I could have had a VBAC without laboring at home for so long, and there is no way I could have gone through such a long labor without the loving and steady support of Thomas, Kat, Nicole, and Karen.

Carter's Birth

I am back from The Farm and still soaking in the amazing experience that it was.  I have a hundred blogs in me but I am very tired.  Studying from 8:30AM in the morning until 9PM at night in your first trimester is not an easy accomplishment.  And so I thought my first post back should be a birth story; I heard so many beautiful ones told on The Farm.  A big thanks to Sarah for sharing the following touching narrative of her birth.

Carter's Birth

When Carter nurses, his face tightens up with an incredible intensity. Then, when satiated, his face falls away from my breast and the side of his mouth turns up in a smirk, and I fall in love.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. But it's difficult to remember only a few days ago when he was in my belly, not here in front of me. I look at his head and need only to shift in my seat to be physically reminded of his coming into the world.

On Monday morning, September 10, I lost my mucus plug while going to the bathroom. The mucus plug is a thick piece of mucus that plugs up the cervix during pregnancy—some women, like me, lose it is one big piece that looks a little bit like a slug, while others never notice it's passing. It can mean labor is imminent, or still days or weeks away. Still, it was the first sign is my peaceful pregnancy that my body gave any indication of actually planning on having this baby, so it was exciting. I yelled, "Rob, I think I lost my mucus plug!" and he came up, wanting to see it. Not realizing he was nostalgic when it came to mucus, I'd already dropped it in the toilet.

Because the loss of the mucus plug is usually followed by more mucus, I wore a menstrual pad for my walk to work. Walking down Vermont Avenue, just south of Logan Circle, I felt a gush soak the pad and my underwear. I waddled uncomfortably the rest of the way to work and sat in the bathroom looking at my wet underwear and thinking, "Did my water just break?"

Not having any other supplies at work, I put some paper towels in my underwear and continued with my day. Right before a meeting I walked downstairs to Burger King for a "Moka Joe" (a delicious chocolately coffee drink); standing in line I had another gush, felt the paper towels soak, and squeezed my legs together to prevent anything from dripping down. I went back to my office and did some web searches about breaking water, then ventured to CVS to buy some vitamin C (to help my immune system because risk of infection is higher if your water breaks before going into labor). In line at CVS, another gush. I decided not to stand in any more lines.

I stayed at work for a few hours, being wildly unproductive as I considered whether or not my water had broken and when I might go into labor. How many times had I imagined this scenario in my head? The start of things… I called Rob and told him, and we agreed to walk home together.

We stopped at Giant to buy some good laboring foods, and went home to wait.

About 11:30 that night I started having mild contractions. The best way I can describe a contraction is to say that it feels like the worst menstrual cramp you've ever had, then it gets a little worse, and then goes away completely. I think labor is survivable only because the pain completely subsides between every contraction, so much so that I managed to forget the pain each time.

No doubt we should have slept that night. Looking back on the contractions, they were completely sleep-able, but the reality was that this was our first baby, and I was in early labor, and we couldn't sleep. We laid in bed quite awake, timing contractions, and consoling ourselves that our baby would likely be born on September 11. "Well," I thought, "September 11 will eventually be a holiday, so maybe our kid will never have to go to school on their birthday."

By the time the morning came, we thought things were getting more serious. My contractions were getting closer together…and I was convinced that I was experiencing the "emotional signposts" that come with being in active labor. We had been watching Office Space, and I wanted to turn it off---BEFORE we even watched my favorite scene! If that's not an emotional signpost that my mood was getting more serious, what is?!

Well, it wasn't. Nicole, Karen's midwifery apprentice, came by in the morning to check on me. I was only 3 cm dilated and determined to be in "early labor." I was devastated. I hid in the bathroom and cried. Still in early labor? But this hurt, and I was tired. I had about 10 minutes of losing all hope—I considered driving myself to a hospital and demanding that they take the baby out, because if this was only the beginning, I couldn't keep going.

I pulled myself together and determined to pretend that the previous 12 hours hadn't happened… to assume I was in early labor until proved otherwise, and do my best to keep my spirits up and stay distracted. In that mood, Rob and I spent much of the day playing cards, making pizza dough, and taking walks around the block in the rain. When I had a contraction I would just sort of collapse in his arms, no doubt making an odd sight in our alley.

When evening arrived, Nicole checked me again, and I had dilated further and she seemed to think I was now in active labor. Boy, was I glad to hear it. Looking back to what I thought was active labor is now humorous—I was writing emails during that time telling my coworkers I was in labor, and I thought I was in active labor? No way. Once I was laboring seriously, I couldn't stand to think of anything else…couldn't do anything but rest in the time between contractions and get through each one.

Nicole brought in her birthing tub and set it up in our living room…it took up the whole room, and felt heavenly when I climbed in. I stopped fitting in our bathtub a couple of months ago, so I hadn't been immersed in warm water in a while. The hot water felt amazing and helped with the contractions to a certain extent. However, I was having intense hot flashes with each contraction, so compounded with the hot water in the tub, I felt pretty overheated. Also, it was a little too relaxing. We were falling asleep between every contraction, and while it was nice to get those little bits of rest, waking up at the peak of a contraction was absolutely terrifying. I was constantly waking up in a panic, my body seized by pain, and I would have trouble breathing through the contraction, which made it much worse. I also found that it was a greater relief to stand during the contractions, so after about an hour or two we decided to head upstairs to our bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, I established a good pattern for my contractions. We sat on the edge of the bed, and when a contraction hit I would stand up and grip the sides of our bassinett. The contraction started in my lower abdomen then tightened around my whole stomach, and send excruciating pains shooting through my lower back. Rob applied counter-pressure on my back and butt with his hands and a tennis ball (the tennis ball was amazing! Much better than when we tried to use the rolling pin, which just grated against my spine). I took in deep breaths and sent all my breath right down into my stomach, staring it at it and imagining the breath helping my muscles relax. Breathing out, I let out low moans and bent my knees up and down. Occasionally I would whimper or verge on screaming, and Rob would remind me to stay relaxed and keep my sounds low. After a contraction we would collapse onto the bed, rest our heads against eachother, sleep for about one minute, and then bound up again for the next contraction. If there had been any time to lose hope, I probably would have—but it simply wasn't an option. There was no going back, this had to happen, and I was just riding it out as best as I could.

This went on all through the night on Tuesday. At some point, Nicole had to leave to be with another laboring woman, and Karen arrived to relieve her and see us through to the end. It was exciting to see her setting up our room for the birth—putting the pads down on the ground, getting out her baby scale and warming up the receiving blankets. "This is actually going to happen," I thought in one of my few lucid moments.

The contractions continued to gain in strength and frequency, sending me to the edge of despair each time and letting up just in time. After one contraction, I looked up at Rob and his eyes were rolling back in his head. I realized that he didn't have the advantage of the hormones pumping through his body to help him survive this experience, like I did, and that he needed to sleep if he was going to live to see his baby be born. So he went downstairs to wake Karen, who was struggling to find a comfortable resting position in our papasan chair, and she took over in helping me through contractions.

By this time, Wednesday morning had arrived and Karen had to start canceling her appointments. In between contractions, she was making quick phone calls, then I would murmur her name and she'd be at my side to help me through a contraction. I wasn't sure if I was making progress, but felt really encouraged when she said, "You're doing great. Most women are besides themselves at this point." Eureka, I thought! I've made it to a point where it's appropriate to be besides ones' self, I must be getting somewhere. And indeed I was, Karen checked me during a contraction and I was 9 centimeters dilated. She told me to go ahead and "bear down" during my contractions to help get the baby further down, though I wasn't yet officially pushing.

Encouraged by my progress, Karen brought in her birthing stool for me to sit on. I asked if I should wake Rob, but she said he could keep sleeping, that she thought we still had a while to go. I had a contraction on the stool with Karen checking my dilation and her eyes widened. She looked up and said "Your baby is VERY low, you're going to have it soon!" She had me really bear down then, finally at the pushing stage, and helped move the cervical lip around the baby's head while I pushed. I could feel the cervix pop around his head, it didn't hurt, just kind of felt like a rubber band popping to the side.

Pushing was both incredibly difficult and incredibly satisfying. I was finally playing a more active role in this process, rather than feeling the contractions pulse through me. But it took the experience to a whole new level—pushing was the most intense, primal feeling I had ever had. My hands gripped the sides of the birthing stool and I pushed down down down as hard as I could, letting out a low, vibrating moan that shook my whole body. My first pushing moan woke Rob and he came upstairs to see me squatting on the stool.

Rob sat on the bed behind me with his legs on either side of me, and Karen was sitting on the floor in front of me. The contractions came about 1 minute apart…I would feel one starting, nod to Karen that it was coming, and then starting bearing down. Karen said, 'Bear down, bear down, HARD HARD HARD!" and I would push as hard as I could, while Rob whispered encouragements into my ear and rubbed my back. It's not a romantic image, but the pushing stage felt like I was having the largest bowel movement of my life. We did this for about 30 or 40 minutes… I would moan and yell and push and Karen would yell for my to push harder and Rob would rub my back. I had 3 pushes for every contraction, and a short rest in between. Every time I pushed my entire body was working, and I was sweating and quivering between contractions.

Karen told me his head was getting close, and the pushing was getting harder. After one contraction, Karen took my fingers and moved them down, and I could feel the baby's head. It was a really shocking feeling—it felt nothing at all like a head. It felt more like a water balloon, and I took my fingers away pretty quickly lest I pop it. Then Rob, who I think was crying at this point, felt the head as well, and I had another contraction.

While the pain from the contractions was an internal, muscular pain, the pain of pushing the baby's head through was entirely different. It was pain as we're used to thinking about it—burning, sharp, the kind of pain that makes you wince and scream. And wince and scream I did, as I pushed his head through. I felt myself stretching, and I just wanted it to be over, when Karen told me to slow down. "Ease up, ease up," she said, and I almost lost my mind. If I had a moment where I resembled laboring women in sitcoms who threaten those around them, this would have been it. I didn't have the energy to argue, and I knew deep down that Karen was trying to help keep my body from tearing too badly, so I just followed her directions. But in my mind I was screaming "What the hell are you talking about?! Ease up?! You've been telling me to push harder every time! Now I'm supposed to ease up?! What the hell are you talking about?!?!"

Pushing the head through really, really hurt. It sort of surprised me, and I recall informing Rob and Karen that "This really hurts!" (there might have been a swear word or five thrown in there), and I was assured it was almost over.

I had one more huge, searing, push as his head passed all the way through. "His head is through, now he's going to turn," said Karen, and I felt an enormous relief as the pressure from his head was gone. I could breath again. Then I felt him twist to fit the rest of his body through, and he spilled out. And there he was. Karen held him in her hands, and I looked down and couldn't believe it was actually a person. And a boy! His cord was wrapped twice around his head, and I told myself how normal that is, not to panic. Karen calmly untwisted him, with me murmuring "is he ok? Is he ok?" She untwisted his cord, and he was still and blue for just long enough to make my whole body stop, then he opened his mouth in one huge wail, and she handed him up to me.

I held him against my chest and Rob wrapped his arms around both of us, while Karen covered him in warm blankets. My body was relaxed and alert, and the whole thing was entirely unreal.

Carter, who wasn't named until hours later, was born at 8:49 am on Wednesday, Sept. 12. He was 7 pounds, 14 ounces, 21 inches long, and had a full head of hair. I am a mom!